ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
