doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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