I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
