How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
high people should be assigned attendants
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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