i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I use my feet as sexual weapons
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize
