thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I need to sanitize my soul.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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