btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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