Me too!
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
