The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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