my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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