I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Randomize
