on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
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