why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
