At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
