I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
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