I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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