Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
He? As in you personified your dick?
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
