I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
