i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
