He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
i love accidental penises.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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