i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Randomize
