It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
