I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
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