I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
