i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
