I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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