I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just invented taco cereal.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize