ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
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Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
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