how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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