rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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