I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
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