I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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