Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I can feel your judgement through the phone
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Randomize
