i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
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