He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Randomize
