It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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