Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
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