summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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