what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
