At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
i think im in europe. pls send help
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
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