Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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