Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Four minutes until I can fart!
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
