So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
