She is in my trunk
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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