The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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