They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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