My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
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