please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
