I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
