Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
You smell like a Billy Joel song
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
