...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
