Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
