You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Randomize
