Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Randomize
