Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
