He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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