i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Randomize
