Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
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