Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
