well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
