If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
