end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize