Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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