the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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