Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
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