entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize
