Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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