what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
