someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
