What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
