Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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