Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
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