well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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