im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
