you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
