So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
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