she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
