omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
