We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
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You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
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Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
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