nutella sex= disaster
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
