i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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