I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Randomize
