Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
